100 things I will never do at Ouran
by chocolvr69
Summary: Follow Hikaru, Kaoru, and Renge as the discover somethings are better left unsaid. Chapter 5: I will not make Tamaki do a scrapbook project. CRACK-FIC
1. Chapter 1

**100 things I will not do at Ouran**

**Meh... I'm full of randomness today... I thought of this during marketing class. This is how bored I get during school.**

**Chapter 1: I will not tell Tamaki that his piano is eloping with the harpsichord.**

It was your average day. The classes were going by normally, the sun was shining, and no one knew of Haruhi's secret. Ah, yes it was a very peaceful day...That is until the twins stepped inside the Third Music Room.

Oddly enough they were the first person to show up. Haruhi had to go home early to take care of her dad, and they had no clue were the others were. Inside the room the noticed the piano and a harpsichord from a different room being moved.

"What's going on here?" Hikaru asked looking at the movers.

"We got orders to move this piano to a different room until they get this tuned. This harpsichord need some fixing up too." One of the movers replied as he blew out from his cigarette.

...Were cigarettes even allowed in school?

Ignoring this thought the twins looked at each other mischievously as they thought of a plan. Oh yes this plan would work out very well...

"TONO, TONO!!!" They yelled as they entered class 2-A, " We have important news!!"

Inside the classroom Tamaki and Kyouya were discussing some important ideas about the host club with a bunch of girls around them.

"It's important!!"

Sighing Tamaki looked at the group of girls with tearful eyes, "It seems that these devils want to keep you away from me, but don't worry I will be back for you soon my princess," He picked up the hand of one girl and lightly kissed it.

"KYAA!!! He kissed me!!" squealed the girl as she left the classroom, the other girls followed swooning the whole way.

"So what do you need?" Kyouya asked as soon as the girls left.

"TONO YOUR PIANO IS ELOPING WITH THE HARPSICHORD!!"

...

"WHAT?!?!?!"

"We just saw!!! The piano-" started Hikaru

"And the harpsichord-" continued Kaoru.

"WERE ESCAPING TOGETHER!" They finished together, with fake worry etched on their faces.

"Oh no!! I need to save her!! My precious piano is being swept away by that evil harpsichord!! What if she gets injured?"

"Doesn't this remind you of something?" Kaoru whispered to Hikaru."

"What if he breaks her heart?!? She will become heartbroken!"

"You mean how tono acts with Haruhi around?"

"I will never forgive him!!"

"Exactly" They both finished.

"Lead the way! I need to talk her out of it."

The twins stared at each other and shrugged. They walked out of the room with Tamaki crying and Kyouya sighing.

"Here we are." They opened the third music room and found the piano with the harpsichord right next to it. The movers were still trying to get it out of the room.

"Excuse me, can I please have a moment alone with her?" Tamaki pointed a shaky finger at the piano.

The movers looked at each other, and then him. "Sure, just hurry up," The guy with the cigarette left and the others followed him.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?" Tamaki yelled at the piano after they all left.

"..."

Don't use that tone with me young lady!"

"..."

"No I don't care what your reasons are! I will not allow you to elope with him!"

At this moment Hunny and Mori decided to join the group.

"What's Tama-chan doing?" Hunny asked anyone who was bothering to listen.

Since the twins were laughing Kyouya answered, "He's trying to talk a piano out of eloping with a harpsichord."

"...Tama-chan needs some more sleep."

"NO!! Don't give me the silent treatment!!"

"..."

"Fine! But you tell me if he ever treats you badly."

"..."

"Good! Now you! Listen here mister If anything happens to my precious daughter I will make sure you wont be able to have any more baby grands!"

"..."

"..."

"I'm not overprotective!"

"Are you done yet?" The mover came back in, "We still need to move them."

"N-NO!" Tamaki yelled, "Come back tomorrow! They still need a wedding ceremony!"

The movers gave him a look and decided to leave them alone.

"Now! We need to make decorations for the wedding! We have to finish by tomorrow!"

The hosts looked at each other and shrugged. It could kill some time.

**Next day**

"To have and to hold, from this day forward,"

"So let me get this straight," Haruhi said staring at the front of the room.

"For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health,"

"Tamaki thought his Piano was eloping with the harpsichord and made a wedding ceremony for it."

"To love and to cherish, till death us do part."

"And he even made a tux for the harpsichord and a wedding gown for the piano."

"Actually, we made the wedding gown and tux," The twins said looking at Haruhi.

"You may now kiss the bride"

"Rich bastards."


	2. Chapter 2

**100 Things I Will Never Do at Ouran **

Sorry for not updating? Hope this satisfies your cracky-needs XD I have another idea for the next chapter! It should be out soon…

**Chapter 2: I will not get the school hooked onto the Twilight series.**

* * *

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" A loud cry could be heard throughout the school. If this were taking place in another school it would have caused alarm, but we are in Ouran, the base of the Host Club.

"Tamaki-senpai, calm down," Haruhi sighed as the said person was growing mushrooms in his emo corner, "What's the problem? There's no one here to bother you."

"That's exactly what's wrong!!" Tamaki said as he grabbed Haruhi by the shoulders, "The host club is open but we don't have any customers!!"

"Tono, let go of our toy," the twins, Hikaru and Kaoru, said and took Haruhi away from Tamaki's grip.

"B-But, what happened to our loyal customers?!?"

"Don't worry Tama-chan! I'm sure their on their way right now!" Hunny said, clutching his Usa-chan and eating a piece of chocolate cake.

"Positive?"

"Positive!"

--

--

**1 Hour Later**

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

"T-Tamaki-senpai…" Haruhi sighed. It was 4 in the afternoon. All she wanted to do right now was go to the sale on fish at the supermarket.

"No one came!" He wailed and went into fetal position in his corner, "Why?!"

"They must have gotten bored of us," said Hikaru as he was watching Kaoru complete a Rubix cube.

"Actually, they're all at the movies," Kyouya said, reading through his handy-dandy notebook.

"WHAT?!? What are they doing at a movie theater?!?"

"Ah," Haruhi said, "I remember that Renge was saying something about the movie _**'Twilight'**_ coming out today."

"Twilight?" The twins asked.

"It's a movie that comes out today," Kyouya replied not looking up from his notebook.

"There were three things I was absolutely positive of," started Haruhi.

"What?" Tamaki had come out of his corner and was staring at Haruhi intently, along with the other hosts.

"First, Edward was a vampire."

"Who's Edward?" Hikaru asked his twin.

"Beats me,"

"Second, there was a part of him-and I didn't know how dominant that part might be- that thirsted for my blood."

"What? Someone's going after Haru-chan's blood?" Hunny whispered to Mori.

"And third; I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."

There was a silence for a few minutes…

…

"WHAT?!?!?" Tamaki, Hikaru, and Kaoru roared at Haruhi. Kyouya and Hunny looked surprised, while Mori just twitched.

"NO! I REFUSE TO LET ANYONE NEAR MY DAUGHTER!" _Twitch_

"It's not like th-"

"HARUHI! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?" _Twitch_

"No! Wait I don't li-"

"DON'T WORRY! I WILL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU!" _Twitch_

"BE QUIET!"

The hosts calmed down and looked at her.

"That's what it says at the back of the book," she said magically holding up a paperback copy of _**Twilight**_.

"You've read it?" asked Kaoru.

"Hmm, yeah, it's not that great. It's supposed to be a forbidden love story, which is set between a mere human girl and a beautiful vampire in a unpopulated town called Forks."

"…?"

"She means it's a romance book about a human and vampire falling in love in a small town."

The hosts nodded in understanding.

"We need to do some thing! We might lose our customers!"

"Hmmm…."

"Ahhh…."

Errrr…."

"Ne, Tama-chan, lets cosplay as the characters from Twilight tomorrow," Hunny said pulling on Tamaki's sleeve.

"Ahh…" Mori said agreeing with Hunny.

"Perfect! LET'S GET READY!"

"Why do I have a feeling that something bad in going to happen?" Haruhi thought to herself as she followed the rest of the group.

* * *

"Hello and welcome to Fox 2 News. We have just received a report about Ouran Private Academy. It seems that there had been a lot of blood coming from the Third Music room. It had been confirmed that a group of 8 handsome men have given the majority of the women population of the school a nosebleed, hence resulting in the blood. If you fear for your nose please do not enter this room. On the other news it seems that Flappy the Monkey has finally learned to burp the alphabet…"

* * *

Umm… yay? I don't really like Twilight, so when my school went through that phase I was about to stab someone with a spork :D I just had to write about it, although it came really late… I couldn't help myself on the last part…. That's what I'm gonna name my pet monkey (if I ever get one) XD


	3. Chapter 3

**100 Things I will not do at Ouran**

I had a huge writer's block for this? I dedicate this chapter to charliechick. I love our conversations :). They entertain me greatly. Many thanks to my BFF Lori! She helped me with the idea.

**Chapter 3: I will not bring green spandex to school.**

_Crash! Bang!_

"_Get back here!"_

"_NOOOOOOOO!!!!"_

"So? Why are we even here?" The twins asked Kyouya, ignoring the loud noises and yells coming from a certain blond.

"Renge has an idea for our club. She's discussing it with Tamaki right now."

Yes, it seems that Renge had finally taken on her role of the manager. She was with Tamaki discussing ideas for cosplay. From the loud noises it seemed that Renge was pissed at Tamaki, for one reason or another...

_BOOM!_

_Wheezy gasp "OK! FINE!! Now let go of my throat!!"_

"_Ohohohoho!! Glad you see it my way!" _

Renge walked out of the room with a crying Tamaki after her.

"We have come to a decision!" Renge said putting one hand on her hip. The hosts in the room looked at her expectantly, "We are holding the next club meeting at the GYM!!"

-Insert blank stare-

"What's so important about that?"

"I'm not done yet! We're holding an anime fashion show in the gym! Hunny-senpai! You are Kei from Beauty Pop. Mori is Hatori from Fruits Basket. Kyouya you are Light Yagami from Death Note. Tamaki! You will play the role of Atobe Keigo! Haruhi you will have to be a girl from Beauty Pop, KIRI! Hikaru and Kaoru, you are Rock Lee and Maito Gai from Naruto!"

"Takashi, who's Kei?"

"…"

"Aren't Lee and Gai the one's screaming about youth?"

"I've never heard of any of these shows."

"AHA! Commoners must enjoy these shows!"

"QUIET!" Yelled Renge over the noise of the people in the room, "The fashion show is going to be tomorrow!"

"Uh… Renge," asked Haruhi, "Isn't that a little too quick?"

"Nonsense! All you have to do is your regular hosting and act like the characters. Now all of you, GO HOME AND FIND OUT WHAT YOUR CHARACTERS ACT LIKE!"

"Yes ma'am!" The twins saluted Renge and marched out of the room while whispering, "Otaku."

* * *

"Everyone! I have brought your costumes!" Sang Renge as she entered the room, "Hurry up and put them on while I go see if the photographers are ready."

"Renge-chan," Hunny asked, "Why do you need photographers?"

"I need them to take pictures for my Moe Moe Volume 5!"

"What is _this_?" Hikaru picked up a green piece of cloth.

"It's stretchy and gross," Kaoru said while sniffing it.

"It's green spandex!"

"And why did you bring green spandex to school?"

"You two are Lee and Gai! They wear this!"

"Kaoru,"

"Yes Hikaru,"

"We need to have a talk with the creator of this manga..."

"Yeah, who would ever wear anything this disgusting."

"Stupid"

"Out of fashion"

"Gross"

"Lame"

"Sickening"

"Terrifying"

"Horrible"

"Un-"

"I GET IT! I DON'T CARE! YOU ARE WEARING THIS COSTUME!" Renge yelled with her Medusa like hair flying all over the place.

"Renge! Is this how I'm supposed to act?" Tamaki snapped his fingers, "Be awed by Ore-sama's presence."

"Perfect!"

Haruhi looked around the room and sighed. This was definitely not what she planned her day to be like. Her costume wasn't too bad. All she had to do was wear a hat, a T-shirt, baggy pants, and carry scissors. Most of the other costumes were alright too, but Hikaru and Kaoru were probably going through torture.

"Ok! Time to go on people!"

Haruhi sighed and Kyouya rubbed his temples. This was going to be one long host club session.

* * *

"OHOHOHO! Thank you for coming to the anime fashion show! First today we have Hunny as Minami Kei from the manga Beauty Pop!"

Hunny came out wearing a hat and sucking on a lollipop. All the females in the room gushed over him and made cooing noises.

"Hello! I like candy and my hamster Mei! Would you like to play with her?"

Most of the girls screamed even louder.

"Next we have Haruhi as Koshiba Kiri, also from Beauty Pop!"

As Haruhi exited the girls started hyperventilating and some guys had a nose bleed.

"Let me help you add some magic."

"KYAAA!!!!!"

"Now comes Mori as Sohma Hatori from the known anime and manga Fruits Basket!"

Mori came out in his doctor apparel.

"Kana..."

Screaming noises came from the girls and some were jumping in there seats, while waving their handkerchief.

"Here is Kyouya as Yagami Light from Death Note!"

Kyouya was wearing his normal clothes. Nothing different could be seen about him, but if one looked very carefully they would notice that the notebook he always carried around said Death Note on it.

"I am god!"

This caused lots of screams coming from the girls.

"Come out Hikaru and Kaoru! They are being Lee and Gai from Naruto!"

The twins entered the gym. They looked at each other and gave a slight nod.

"Oh Gai sensei! I'm am very sorry!" Kaoru yelled running to Hikaru.

"Lee! It's ok, every one makes mistakes in the time of youth!" Hikaru said hugging Kaoru.

"Gai-sensei you are so forgiving!"

"Forgiving people is a very youthful thing to do Lee! Only people with youthful hearts can do this!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"KYAAA!! It's brotherly love Naruto-style!"

Many girls started swooning and some fainted.

"Now lastly we have Tamaki as Atobe Keigo from Prince of Tennis!"

Tamaki entered in Atobe's tennis uniform and every one started screaming. Tamaki looked around and snapped his fingers. The whole gym became quiet.

"Be awed by Ore-sama's tennis skills!"

"KKKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, massive nose bleeds, from both sexes. Many of them also fainted.

"OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!"

"Kyouya-senpai?"

"Yes Haruhi?"

"What's the point of this?"

* * *

Well, I think this is the longest chapter yet... And I feel that this chapter sucks... Once again i am questioning the point of this chapter...Oh well... Thank you so much for all the reviews. I was hyperventilating all of last chapter because of the number of reviews.


	4. Chapter 4

**100 Things I will Never do at Ouran**

Uh..... Sorry for the wait. Be happy I'm actually updating though... Finals are next week and I'm SCREWED! My life sucks. and i have like, 5 other stories that i haven't updated in forever. Before we go onto the story i have to say one thing. KYOUYA-SAMA IS MINE!! NYAHAHAHAHAH!!! -cough- Ahem... oh yeah, I will be abusing the exclamation points and the caps lock. A lot.

**I will not give Hunny Sugar free food:**

* * *

It was a dark and gloomy day for the host club. A horrible day indeed. The club funds had decreased by .002%. Tsk, tsk. Poor Kyouya was throwing a tantrum. His left eye was twitiching repeatedly. Of course to most people a tantrum would not consist of their left eye twitching. Actually, most people wouldn't really throw a tantrum for losing a very _very _little amount of money. But Alas, this is Kyouya we are talking about.

"Tamaki," Kyouya asked pushing up his glasses, "Would you like to explain this?"

Tamaki, who was currently hiding behind Haruhi, whimpered and catiously looked over her shoulder. Seeing Kyouya's glare he ducked and ran to stay behind the twins.

"Hikaru, Kaoru, do you have anything to tell me?"

"Nope. Talk to milord." And with that they pushed Tamaki in front of them. Grabbing Haruhi they ran out of the room, "Bye!"

"NOOOOO!! HIKARU, KAORU!! YOU DEVILS!! COME BACK!!" Tamaki yelled after them.

"Tamaki, we need to talk" Kyouya's glasses chose the right moment to gleam..

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!"

* * *

_Sniff sniff_

"Tamaki-senpai this is the third box of tissues you've used..." Haruhi sighed and looked around the room. There was wads of tissue paper all over the place.

"B-But Haruhi... MOMMY'S MAD AT DADDY!!" Tamaki got up from his corner, "AND NOW HUNNY SENPAI IS GOING TO KILL ME!!"

Haruhi sweatdropped as Tamaki went back to his corner and started cultivating mushrooms.

"Ano... Senpai? Why would Hunny senpai kill you?"

"Hunny-senpai... kill... cake... evil rabbit..." Tamaki mumbled.

"Uh, senpai? Mind repeating that? I didn't quite catch that."

"Hunny senpai... will killl... sugar.... cake.... not good... evil rabbit... murder...."

Haruhi sighed. This would take some time. "Senpai, louder!"

"HUNNY-SENPAI WILL KILL ME BECUASE KYOUYA IS ONLY BUYING SUGAR FREE FOOD CAKES!!!! HE'S GOING TO TAM UP WITH HIS EVIL RABBIT AND MURDER ME!!!"

"Ahh.. Ok then."

"Tama-chan? What are you talking about?" Hunny entered the room on Mori's shoulders.

_Dot Dot Dot_

"Have fun senpai," And then Haruhi left Tamaki's Emo Corner of Doom (Also known as TECOD) muttering things about.... Fish?

"NOOOO!! HARUHI DON'T LEAVE YOU FATHER!!! COME BACK!!"

"Tama-chan" Hunny tilted his head.

"AHHHHH!!!!"

* * *

**3 DAYS LATER**

"I'm sorry ladies. It seems that the host club will be closed today as well." Kyouya said to the whining girls outside the club room, "But do not worry, everything should be better so-"

"MOMMY!!! IT'S EATING ME!!"

Kyouya sighed, "Excuse me please,"

He walked inside the room and shut the door.

'Looking inside he twitched. Tamaki was running around, yelling about the devil's incarnate trying to eat him. A stuffed rabbit was biting his arm. Hikaru and Kaoru were hiding under the table with Haruhi. Mori was standing in front of them, most likely to block off any flying objects that would come toward them.

And Hunny?

He was eating a cake... Ah, wait. He was _stabbing_ the cake.

"I don't like this cake..." Hunny said in a menacing tone.

He then proceeded to pick up the plate of cake and throw it on the ground, "I need sugar."

Tamaki froze as Hunny began to walk toward him.

"Ah.. Hunny-senpai... Ehehe..." Tamaki started sweating and took a couple of shaky steps back.

"NOW!" Hunny's eyes gleamed.

"AHHHH!!!" Tamaki started running away from Hunny.

* * *

"Tamaki. We are losing more customers each day we shut down the club. Do you have any idea why we are closing down?"

"Because you aren't buying Hunny-senpai anymore cakes?" Tamaki looked at Kyouya cautiosly.

"Are you saying that this is my fault?"

"Actually it is-" Looking at Kyouya's eyes Tamaki started hyperventilating, "Er... no, of couse it's not your fault."

"Good now I want this problem fixed immediately."

"Of course mommy..." Tamaki rushed out of the room to buy some more cake.

* * *

Haruhi sighed _'How come i'm the one that has to buy this?'_

Looking around she heaved another sigh. _'Now which one should i get? The rabbit cake or the hello kitty cake?'_

* * *

Ahh.. yesh i'm truly sorry for the long wait. I really don't like this chapter. It seems that i've lost some of my crackyness. Yeah I'm pretty sure that's not a word. Please try not to be too mad for the long wait.

Love ya,

~Chocolvr69~


	5. Chapter 5

**100 Things I will not do at Ouran**

**Hehe… I got this idea from a gmail chat me and my friend were having and a school project. –sigh- good times…**

**School starts soon…. Bleh**

**Chapter 5:**** I will not make Tamaki do a scrapbook project.**

* * *

"So, class, you have to finish a scrapbook on the book you are reading by tomorrow. I will not be accepting any late work." The Japanese teacher, Matsuda-sensei, handed out a piece of paper to each child with the requirements on it, "Good luck."

Murmurs broke out in the class. One student was brave enough to stand up and ask as question.

"Sensei? In the requirements it says that the scrapbook needs to be 20 pages about the book. How can we finish it by tomorrow when we just got our books today?"

"Read and work fast."

* * *

"Must work harder. Harder. HARDER!"

The entire host club members looked toward the corner where Tamaki was working and sighed. This had been going on for the past hour.

"Kyo-chan? What is Tama-chan doing?" Hunny asked Kyouya.

"We have a scrapbook project due in class tomorrow."

"I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!!!!!" Tamaki spazzed out in his Corner of Doom for a minute, then he went back to cutting random pieces of paper.

"Calm down Tamaki. You still have 18 more hours." Kyouya continued writing numbers in his note book.

"Err… Kyouya-senpai?" Haruhi asked, "Aren't you in Tamaki-senpai's class?"

"Yes, why?"

"Don't you have to finish your project too?"

"I'm already done with it."

"WHAT?!?!" Tamaki stood up and yelled, "How did you already finish?!? We go the project an hour ago!!"

Kyouya just looked at Tamaki and smiled his 'I-Know-Something-You-Don't' smile. He pushed up his glasses, causing them to glint.

"A scrapbook project?" The Hitachiin twins came up behind Tamaki, "You'll never finish that in a day."

Tamaki whimpered.

"Leave him alone you two." Haruhi called out from the kitchen.

"But Haruhi-"

"We were just-"

"Showing him-"

"How much we care!" The two twins took turns in saying the sentence.

"Nonononononono…" Tamaki cried some more.

"What's wrong Tama-chan?"

"IT'S TILTED!!!" Tamaki cried.

"What's tilted?"

"THE PAPER! I DIDN'T CUT IT STRAIGHT!"

"…"

Tamaki cut of another strip of paper, "NO IT'S STILL NOT STRAIGHT!!"

-snip snip snip-

"NO!!"

-snip snip-

"WHY ISN'T IT STRAIGHT?!?"

-snip-

"NOOO-"

"Tamaki-senpai, If you keep cutting it there will be nothing left."

"B-but…The tilt…"

"Tama-chan? Since when do you have OCD?" Hunny asked eating a strawberry shortcake.

"I DON'T!"

"Of course you don't Tono." Hikaru and Kaoru walked to the door, "We're leaving it's getting late."

"I will too. Bye senpai." Haruhi walked out the door.

"Come on Takashi, let's go."

"Ah."

Hunny and Mori also exited the room. Kyouya followed them.

"Tamaki, remember to close up once you're done."

Tamaki whimpered.

* * *

Haruhi looked to a corner and sighed, "Kyouya-senpai, what happened to Tamaki-senpai?"

"He got points taken off on his project for Japanese."

"Why?"

"He thought that the Title of the scrapbook was included in the 20 pages."

"…"

* * *

**Yeah, true story… I'm an idiot… But it wasn't my fault!**


End file.
